It was a sunday morning, I woke up and shivered cold. Remembering what has happened in the past week, cried my little gut. I got up, dragged myself to the toilet and washed my face. I was bored and I could just burst into tears enjoying my boredom and I wasn’t feeling like doing my works, though I got heaps of assignments and lab reports waited to be finished.
It was a sunday morning, there was nothing made sense on that particular morning. I checked my phone, no messages. I was a bit disappointed though I didn’t know what I should be disappointed for. I was bored, still. I was depressed and struggling just to keep my mind not thinking about the pressure of the school. Then, I grabbed my computer, clicked away the keyboard of my jazzy macbook. Hence, browsing through the sites of nothing. I was smiling whilst checking my Facebook’s home feeds and then clicking the same profile every time I go online.
It was a sunday morning, I must say, the internet streed my life to a computer literate communicative girl, when life just started to get to the lowest it could, I went online. starring through my family facebook’s profile, thought they never updated, I still smiled. I read my offline message of my instants messenger. I was bored to the hell, and ice breaking is not so me.. really not so me. but, I clicked one profile, and starred to the windows, I typed one word, deleted it, typed it again and deleted it again. I felt like a stupid then I decided to close the windows. I was pensive again.
It was a sunday afternoon, when I read a quote by Jim Collins “Whether you prevail or fail, endure or die, depends more on what you do to yourself than what the world does to you” I babbled to myself, it was so true. No one really care whether I would fail nor win. true, I felt distressed on that week. I wasn’t ready for the scolded my lecturer gave me. I felt I wasn’t there and felt like fleeing away from that place. I didn’t feel motivated, the eager wasn’t like how it used to be when I first came to this country.
it was a sunday afternoon, when I took my time, thinking, contemplating and for the first time in my life, I could see the bright side of the situation. I felt proud to the wise me. It was true, I felt betrayed, sad and angry at first. but, the problem was I never really sure who to blame nor to be angry at. The truth is I have thought of running away for the last one year. I don’t like it here. I hate every single things here. But then, who’s on earth can really exclaim “this the time of my life” when they are doing their undergradute? I know my parents were struggling. I saw them struggling. And so if I felt this way, it doesn’t make me the world’s most devastated undergraduate student. In the end, I decided to stay.
It was a sunday afternoon, when I realized it doesn’t matter how bad and horrible I was treated. I’m the one who can decide how I’m going to response on it and I decided to stick around. I could still feel the proud of my parents when I was enrolled to this top 50 university in the world, top 1 in south east asia and all in all, I was placed on engineering, whereby this major in my university is on the top 10 world rank. so, let’s just think, university is one of the exercises and a task to be completed. I used to run away, and back down when something got bad, when something got ugly and was not easy anymore. But, I think it’s time for me to stand my ground and keep me standing on my foot.
It was a sunday evening, little that I realized I just solved other emotional problem that I have been having. I used to swing back and forth from being emotionless to emotional, which made me think that I might have bipolar disorder. But, finally I managed to find a way to my emotional problem. hooray to the new optimistic me.
It was a sunday evening, I learned how to open up to myself, I learned to cope up with my emotion. I know just the emotion would keep me sane. I realized that the rule of the game is always the same. No matter how hard life is going to be, you just need to accept it. It doesn’t matter if you fail countless time, you just need to start over again, you just need to stand up again. cause you should believe that in the end no matter how many dead ends you find, you just need to keep on going, there would be one that let you go in through.
It was a sunday night, when I thanked Allah for His blessing to me. As if I was blindfolded all this time, I finally come to understand myself better. now, I’m fully know that I’m the one in charge of my emotion, my heart and the positive of me. I thanked Him for giving me the super parents that always support me from my back, convinced me that everything is gonna be worth in the end of the days. For we are apart, afar from each other, I thanked Allah to always keep my loves one safe.
It was a sunday night, when I fully realized that my future would only be led by myself, and would be shaped by how I’m in my current situation, not yesterday nor tomorrow. It’s the power of now. Therefore, I’m glad I could fix my emotional problem right now. though, I’m fully understood it always easy to be said than to be done, but let me just welcome my new optimistic, wise and positive me.
It was a sunday morning, afternoon, evening and night. It was only a day. but, I would say, that day was pretty rocky yet challenging. that was a day when I was finally able to crack things that been bottling up in my heart. I know people change and feeling fade away. but, let’s just hope, I could preserved this feeling, this emotionless of me. :)
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