My Business lecture today was quite interesting. why do I say so? It was all because of the personality activity that Mrs. Chee gave us. Our major topic actually was about People and Process in Organization, but as we went trough the lecture, we also discussed about dynamic of relationshops in organization, about hierarchies and roles, which then come to the role-identity as the basic fundamental concepts.
The activity was like this, we were given an introduction about the role-identity, after that we went trough a discussion, about the questions, who am I? how do we define ourselves? kind of questions like how we portray ourselves. It was still pictured clearly on my mind, Mrs. Chee asked the class to write down on a piece of paper, about ourselves, only in 25 words. and then we had to perform a group of three or two people, and shared what we already wrote.
time’s up. I sighed as I finished writing about myself in 25 words though I really had lot of things to say. But anyway, here’s what I wrote:
I’m introverted, I got anxious easily when I meet new people, and sometimes I have difficulty in expressing my feeling.
it was the most embarrassing moment in my time here in NUS. I don’t know why I could write something pathetic like that, it’s true though, really really true.. and I was so aware when I wrote it down. and I’m still aware that being anxious and introverted were not something you should be proud of
Mrs. Chee said, actually every person has some multiple personalities on him/her. Thus, why we felt 25 words were not enough to describe ourselves. Hence, she limited the words, so that we could see, among all those personalities, there will be one personality that would stand out, and that will really describe the way we are. and I choose seeing myself in emotional dimension, as an anxious and introverted person. *sigh*
What I can see here actually is the personality that I shouldn’t have. I’m not willing to take a challenge, and prefer to be alone, this is obviously makes me seems so weak in mind strength. I don’t know why I choose to write it down in the first place, though some of friends describe themselves in terms of social dimension, physical dimension or even in the family dimension.
I don’t know how to cope with this in my future. I realize that I cannot be like this forever as it will affect me during my career life. but, here I’m an introverted and emotionless girl. perviously, I solved another emotional problem (read my journal: about my self preservation) and still I haven’t or could not solve another negative side of me which is being introverted.
After the class, I feel like a loser because it really shows that I had no guts to dare with people, and I had no guts to dare my mind to be challenged with a new environment. Himono-Onna or Dried-Woman, yes that could be a nice word to describe me. I felt like I just play my role as a student, attend the lecture, study, attend the exams, and pass. That’s all. I rarely socialize with people. I choose to be alone in my room, doing something I love. Outside, I seem like a fine lady, dress nicely and smile elegantly. but soon after I reach my room.. oh my gosh oh my gosh, I believed that the words you would say. because, It’s completely 180 different like what the world see I am. In my room, I have my own world.
Now, I had to start building myself in the matter of throwing away my shyness. other than that, I shall adapt myself as well as to be open-minded and dare to meet new people and exposing myself in a new environment. My expectation to be somewhat mature in university has not been achieved yet, tho I’m already in my year 3. So, starting from today, this hour, this minute and this second, to be more precise, I have to learn the way to improve myself.
If I don’t do this from now on. I’m sure that in the future, this shyness or introverted personality would prevent me from doing something that’s out of my expectation. I came out from the class with a feeling of embarrassed and I would try not to get that feeling ever again. But, how do I get over from this shyness? it’s just a matter of time. I know its always easy to cheer myself on, saying to not do this or do that, but its always hard to be done. so, I’m gonna take my time, slowly improve myself by watching my other friends who have different personality as mine. from there, I will surely know which part of my personality should be changed and fixed.
I had to give a round of applause to Mrs. Chee as she really showed us of who we are. I’m sure, in almost eight weeks we have been together in the class, there are so many things that we could learn about ourselves. weakness, abilities, and so on, and this really means a lot to me. I could not wait to see what kind of personality that I would discover in the next week, as she promised to give us some kinds of personality test.
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