Being 21

Anyway, there is something that keeps crossing by my mind these days. I’m 21 years old now, an age which you now bear a full responsibility of yourself, which you can admit easier to go into a casino/bar/clubs, age where you are now legally doing whatever illegal before, and age where you have to present your NPWP when you are traveling outside Indonesia -.-"

But, those were not the points, the importance of being 21 years old for me is not something like passing the legal drinking or going to the clubs. it’s rather an age in which my burdens become heavier cause I'm thinking what I want to be in the next couple of years? what will I see in me in several years ahead?

I often just regret to spend a lot of my birthday by idling or doing something none sense. But, it is just fun to do and I must appreciate that I still have the chance to stay happy with those none sense things. Some people argue, being 21 indicates that you are approaching the time when you don’t have the chances to do a lot of none sense yet fun stuffs. For hell, I still like watching anime or cartoon, dressing up like whatever I want, ant not to be so called a fine lady. In fact, I still feel like a 16 years old LOL.

Growing up is super hard, not literally, you know what I meant right? I still need to see what life has to offer despite of what I have seen so far. the life that produce something that is going to make people happy, the life that’s going to result in the sweetest husband and two couple cutely-dressed children with beautiful names, and the side of whatever amazing career I will have done to change the world. I don’t want to know how life goes through from the eyes of others, but mine. and now, I’m in the right track of achieving it.

In spite of the effort that I have been giving, I feel it’s useless because it’s still not enough. I need a motivation to keep on moving forward and not backward, and I need help to encourage me to go on. whenever I realize I’m not as kind, patient or perpetually grateful as I hope to be, via an argument or fit of immature rage due to some tiny upset to my day, I feel brutally betrayed by my own idealization of myself. I really wonder if the person I’m becoming is even capable of the life I want to lead.

So how? Seeing other people having the advantage of making the right decision, while me still clinging up to what I know and believe making me envious of them. Because the problem when I stick to what I know and believe is that, it’s always gonna be a wrong move, I mean…ALWAYS! I’m not a pessimistic person, so my own pessimism startles me. The thoughts of “Maybe it’s not going to get much better than this” are jarring to my heart and physically hurt my fragile thought-organs.

But, I could conclude that regardless the wrong move I made and I’m perpetually messing up or whenever I am angry, the irony is I am still having fun in my life though it’s not satisfying as a success in study or whatsoever. The bottomline is, love and happiness in ones self are always going to be the key to a great life. So, I will keep drawing a smile in my face! :)

HAIL FOR BEING 21!